i thought i can do this alone...

thinking too naive...

taking things so simple and easy...

now stress was building up each day..
this stress is wat i am giving myself each day...

each day passes very quickly..
no target, no strategy...
i am so lost..
do not really know wat is ahead of me..
wat could possibly happen??

i cant even predict...
not even estimate...
can only just do as best as i could..

this road is not easy...
flexible as it is...
giving all the time...
i could manage it however i wan..
tht is the only best thing in this path..
wat more else it is tht great?

i hav to constantly remind myself..
i can do this..
i can do this..
i hav to be different..
diff frm others..
tht is y i hav to put a lot more effort than others...
tht is y i choose this...

regret??
not until this extend...

but i know i am very frustrated..
lost of direction..
a lot of times..
when i am driving alone to the office..
i often felt out of air when i reached the traffic light...
like no motivation...
dunno to feel eager or not to be in the office..

coz practically u cant hope much although u r in office..
unless u r prepared with questions...
if not u are all alone..
alone winning this...
is really a very tough thing...
for a person like me..
no experience at all...
no network...
i wonder again...
wat is it tht really drives me into this industry...

am i in the rite track??

i am alr shaky with this thought...

who will und me???
anyone???
haih....

(Diana) <3

Make This Happen!

just came back frm SG,
sending my bro back...

initially,
i was very reluctant to follow them..
as..
somehow,
i know they will discuss bout my career..
i dun wan to feel the pressure..
i dun wan to be confronted..
tht is y,
i am running frm it...
avoiding to go down..
as i dun wan anything to make me hav doubt or in dilemma..

but i am not successful..
ended up in SG...

i was rite,
they did brought up this issue...
telling me...
asking me..
questioning me..
laying out all the factors..
wat am i going to face..
wat do i need to be in this industry..

in this conversation,
i get so frustrated...
i told them to stop condemning me,
i wan their support, not telling me tht there is other option out there..

i admit,
i actually really did nth,
did nth in the sense in finding a job...
even having my resume done..
i was "bz"
bz with my holiday trips..
not doing anything for my career..
i was landed with this job..
through a bit of pushing frm my dad..
as i did not had a plan..
the only plan in my head is "i wan to go down to SG to work"
tht's all...

but no matter how,
no matter wat they say..
i know very clearly wat i am doing!

i am young, i believe i can do this!
although i know it will be very very hard!
but u dun try, u nvr know..
yes, we hav to thk in a wider area...
not secluded into one area..
but for now,
this is wat i have opted for..
i will just go with my instinct, my heart..

although say it so nicely,
but i always still keep haih all the way...
just letting it out..
as the pressure is there..
which is given by myself, not by others..
i often just yell when i am in the car waiting for the green light when on the way to the office..
sometimes doubting myself on the way..
just need a continuous support and brainwashed myself tht i can do this~~

but this is just me..
i do hope my peers, my ji mui men 2J 3W, has a nice career!!
no fan nao is the best...
but is ok to hav one,
as we still had each other for encouragement...
missing u guys a lot~~
we shud meet soon~

nites guys~
luv u all very muchy!!

(Diana) <3

Thinking a lot

been thinking a lot lately...
mostly becoz of the career i am heading to...

although i told myself a lot of time,
i can do this, i can i can i can..
but there is always a small voice..
holding me back...

giving me all sorts of reasons..
telling me tht somehow this might not be the right path i am heading to...

i rmb i post my status in fb recently..
"is there really a future?? hav to try only know..."
yea, a lot of things..
ppl tell u frm A to Z...
but if u dun try...
u will nvr really experienced it..

as the saying goes..
saying is easier than doing...
we can exaggerate talk until the world will grow diamonds..
but in the end..
if we dun put effort, dun do it..
it is back to zero...
nth will be gud for u...

there is always a risk...
every job has risk i shud say...
maybe mine is much more than others..
maybe this is a sign ..
tht i shud be diff...
if u wan to succeed...
u hav to do it differently...
not same as majority of ur peers..

but at least u did try before...

eager to learn more...
but at the same time hav fear...
afraid of gaps...
afraid ppl's point of view...
but...
as in this stage...
this is where we will face this..
"welcome to the reality world"

it is as reality as it is!
although it will be tough in the beginning!
as my motto, believe in urself!
i shall hav to trust my instinct, n hopefully i will get a gud outcome out of it!!

so much of support to myself, but very fast this support wont last long,
i will cont my thinking self again in no time..
but i am a girl....
girl thinks a lot of rubbish...
keep the brain working..
woo~ la~ la~
screw it!!
i will just go for it!!!!!!!!!!!

need support support!!!

(Diana) <3

Daddy's advice

was so uncertain bout my future..

when my dad asked me bout my plan..
i just say anything also go interview..
thn only decide what i wan..

he just gv an example, asking me whether i wan or not..
i will straight away say dun wan..
my dad really took the time..
to share his working experience with me..

after listening to his advice..
i a bit had a picture wat i wan to do..
i myself know tht..
in marketing line..
the best way and fastest way to really earn money is doing sales..
sales sales sales..
this word..
to many of u, is like a sth low cls work...
where u would hav a picture tht we will need to knock on ppl's door..
begging or asking for sales..
u hav to do all sorts of things just to hit ur target..

a lot hav a shallow minded on marketing industry..
i could not deny
i had this picture in my mind too..
although part of it was very true..
where sales is indeed this way..
but it actually depends on how u thk of it..

some say..
"aih, u r girl la, why study marketing??
need to do sales wan wo, *pao tao lou min*
not gud la! this work is only suitable for guys..

yea, this thinking can say..
a lot of my relatives say this to me before when i 1st studied this course...
but i can say rite now, i dun regret it!
as compared to other courses..
i really do luv my course!
n therefore..
no matter wat obstacles is ahead..
wat ever challenges is waiting for me..
i will be prepared to learn, listen, observe and understand!

as i had choose wat i wanted to be..
shake of my fears...
n let my new journey begins...

*phewwww, thx dad! ur advice made the picture crystal clear to me, thx!

(Diana) <3

uncertainties

feel so uneasy this few days..

although my days was occupied by a lot of programs..
but it always drag me back to reality...
especially when time to sleep..
or u just being alone in the room..

i had decided...
but n yet..
not sure whether my decision izit rite??

wat will be ahead?
wat will happen?
no one knows..

but now, i feel reluctant to really leave...
i am scared of the day to come..
feel so uncertain..
although it has to be done..
but still..
it is really hard to let go..
easy to say, but hard to really do it...

haih...
this is really a new stage in life..
a stage which i hav to conquer..
haih...
hate tht it is so true!
not fantasy!
hav to face it!!!!!

*emotional*

(Diana) <3

Now only i know...

those ppl who always ffk...
really must listen to this..

the victim of ffk..
now i really know how it feels like..

yes, if u didnt promise anything..
u ffk , thn nvm..

but if u promise alr...
but u didnt do it,
thn it is definitely ur fault!!!

was so angry..
even put down the phone harshly..
as in the end is cancelling..
when i alr prepared everything..
somemore postponing the time and changing location in between..
just becoz u cant come back in time..
i alr tolerate with tht..

thn in the end, u just call me..
n say tht can change to other time n cancel today's outing..
since u alr promise..
u shud hav do watever u are doing faster..
n get ur butt back asap...
y all the delays??

n i dun get the reason tht u stayed behind so late..
wat is tht??
wat kind of service is tht..
i dun get it..

now the outcome really gud..
u not talking to me..

damn it!!
make my mood freaking turn bad!!
dun mistaken..
is just a girlfriend..
not any boy ...

Damn angry!!

(Diana) <3

Now only i know...