Dead or Alive

Been always coming back to blogging...
means sth is wrg...

felt emo this few days..
due to the workload..
constant pressure, constant deadline..
constant stress..
constant pushing..
i was full of stress...

toomuch to juggle..
working during the day is already hard for me..
was thinking to resign ady..

but really??
resign??

i dun wan to thk bout it..
just trying my very best each day..
trying to pls every single damn ppl..
in the office was quite tough for me..

need more guidance which most of the time i do not hav..
but this is just part of working life..
it felt even worse..
when u cant share this with someone..

like hav to constant release in order to hav energy to keep going on...

i need tht..

do i really need to get a hole in a tree as my listener??

just suddenly thought of a show..
he had no frens, he decided to talk to a tree so as to release...
LOL..
thinking of it it feels so stupid..

erghhhh..
buck up buck up~~

01 03 12

(Diana) <3

Just another 'Particular' day

Nvr thought i would need to blog again..

when i start blogging, is days when i felt so hard to content my feelings and thoughts but have to just share it out to release my stress...

Lately, joined a very gud company indeed, i am quite blessed to have this opportunity..
Luving the job, luving the environment and the opportunity as well..
But certain things does not always happen the way u want..
Certain things just not under ur control..

Guess this is just part of working life...
compromising, working with others..
i learnt the hard way..
getting scolded, looking stupid when they just tell u off...
is just part of the industry i guess..
the norm, where everyone hav to go thru to be gud at it...

i am prepared for all this..
but of course i am still human..
being warm blood and all..
still felt pissed, frustrated...
but work is still work..
i can't pull a long face for long, as this job is a long term thing..

Passion is it tht big enough? big enough to even blind urself tht u are actually well paid??

The amount of stress, the amount of workload.. just not enough for meager income..

Urghhh... still felt like i am still in the office..
cant breath..
n worst still, i cant realli trust anyone where someone can listen to me..
felt so miserable..

am so thankful tmr is weekend...
at least i would not need to see their faces just for a bit..
am freaking pissed bout it alr..
realli need to breath from it...

haihs..
felt so lost rite now...

(Diana) <3

Rainy Day~

Its pouring outside~~

the wind blows in through the kitchen into the living hall~
felt so safe to be at home~

Rain rain rain~
is like washes away the dirt~
washes the sins or memories~
giving us peace~

breezy~~
love this feeling~

(Diana) <3

still cant stop thinking~

One year passes very fast~

Been in working life, wat did i actually learnt?

I am not really sure, like wasted time and money~
Knowledge, not a lot has been added..

Now jumping out from the circle of comfort~
only know that it is not that easy...
searching needs a lot of patience and time...
everyday spending time to see and look~

still cant face the pass~
hard to face the rest~
is sth tht bothered me all this while~

felt so uncomfortable~
making ppl feel sth i am not~
did not get them rite~
haih~
running away makes this consequences~

since when i am like tht~
so scared to face it,
acting it is fine, it is ok~
but nvr actually rectified it...
it stays like tht~

who to speak to~
when myself do not know~

time flies day by day~
no objective no plans~
but waiting...
waiting sth to appear~

no longer had the courage to stepped out again~

(Diana) <3

~true picture~

i always thought i am rite..

feeling so happy each time i was honoured with sth..
sth i have which someone wont hav..

are they wrong?
or i am just too naive to just listen and follow?

i always take things too simply..
too simple, did not really go through my head..
as i felt believing and trust a person is more than enough..
details is sth tht we do not need to go through..

but i am wrong..
so wrong tht i did not realise..

they are the one in the bright side..
i am like a bunny...
used by them..
as they are smarter and wiser..
knowing so well the calculation is on their side...

which in the end, i am not getting benifted at all..

is always this case...
always look ppl from the bright side..
this is my nature..
i dun see ppl frm the bad side..
i dun used to...
as i am who i am..

tht is y..
i am getting a punishment..
a wake up call..
to stop dreaming..
and be firm..
be calculative..

i dun do so..
i dun asked for..
nobody will care wat i am getting..
life is as real as it is...
now i get my cousin once said..
"Welcome to the reality world"

as true as it seems..

(Diana) <3

wat is it?

when during U life,
at this time..
a lot of frens will be still bz either on9,
chatting on msn, fb-ing, watching movies or even playing games..

now at this time..
late midnight,
everyone is alr in their dreams..
sleeping all the way...

my this job..
had given me a lot of flexibility...
the only thing better than the rest..
for now..

my coach once told me..
asking me to take some time..
wat also dun think..
just imagine my future...

imagine wat i would wan in my life...
until now...
i did not do so..
as i do not wan to face it...
fear tht the end result..
is sth tht i do not wan it to happen..
alr it is the fact..

a lot of times..
i ask...
ask is it a lot of ppl tht is same as me?

being so undecisive...

hmmmm...
alr out of topic..
not sure how to continue..
i am still the old self..

(Diana) <3

is it the way it shud be?

just read through Jing Yi's blog..
as she had mentioned,
we as bloggers had long abandoned our bloggy
after working life mode is on...

am i really that bz??

the answer is Yes and No...

y Yes?
bz conquering challenges in new working life..

y No?
not being productive in the process of tackling my
obstacles, so most of the time is actually passing time
and actually wasting my own time...

A lot of ppl who know me..
shud know wat is my profession rite now...
to those who do not know..

my current job is Real Estate Negotiator..

to those who do not know my job scope,
simple way to explain is...
i can find you a place to stay, no matter is landed house or condo,
for sale or for rent is my duty...
i can worked for owner, buyer and tenant...

how to work for owner?
- help owner to sell or rent out their properties
how to work for buyer?
- help them to find the suitable house or condo for own stay
how to work for tenant?
- help them to find the suitable house or condo for rental

Being so green and naive...
i went in to this industry without a second thought...
without doubting that i might not be able to handle this...
seeing tht i had back up from my family...

i fail..
fail very badly...
after so many months..
i am still who i am the day i first join this company...
my old self..

so lost of direction..
so not motivated..
this week itself..
i even had the intention to quit and leave...

but can i?
can i just leave as i am so incompetent to do this job?
honestly i do hav a choice..
we always hav a choice in life...
but i rethink wat i had gone through...

flash back again...
did i actually made the effort to really do this??

the answer is a big NO...
i did not..
i really did not..

after all this months...wasting all the time..
wasting all the money...
i am practically waiting sth to happen..
waiting sth to dropped upon me..
and not making sth to happen...

i know my flaws..
my mistakes..
and yet i sat on it..
waiting somehow it will sail smoothly for me...

why the hell did i actually step into this industry
if i had such attitude!!
i would not even survive the slightest..
waiting ppl to spoon feed..
waiting ppl to push only move...
i am so reactive in things..
not sharp..
not even bright alr...

is time to change...
time to wake up and start to realise...

.......

(Diana) <3

Simple Touch

just reading through blogs tht i had long abandoned~
everyone seems to be in the working stage...

not much update on work
but more on personal stuff as usual

sudden urge to just drop a few words
to my little blog

latest recent happenings

- my goal has not reached
- pingu just left the country for further studies
- hanging out with same old frens frm Uni life (a great thing and much appreciated)
- life move on as normally as it always had
- getting better and better each day
- learning each and everyday
- meeting different class of people weekly
- been very focused in what i wan to do
- pimples growing (very bad thing tht i dislike!)
- as usual still Fat!
- cut my hair and comment is look like egyptian (due to not dyeing my hair)
- playing Baking Life in fb
- have plans maybe to consider Blackberry or iPhone4 (only consideration)

lots lots more..
but this is all i remembered

Yawns,
my few words become long winded countless words

need to warmed up my bed for now
Take Care guys, working life isnt easy at all which nothing is really easy~

(Diana) <3

almost 3 months

been in this industry almost 3 months alr..
the 3 months is coming very very soon....

is a very scary picture....
do not know wat is lying ahead...
will i pull it through?
a lot of question mark?

only thing is i have to make this happen..
how can i achieve this??
i have to really work hard on it...

ppl often say it is a career or a job to them..
but for me..
it is always a business..
not a job...
everything is up to me...

if i fail,
the only person to blame..
is myself...

have to really buck up..

(Diana) <3

my path

i have been in this industry for one month plus..

still hav so much things to learn,
can say..
i still a lot of question in mind tht are not answered...

for those who do not know wat i am doing rite now..
i am a real estate negotiator..
some might feel new to this title..
as the norm is property agent...

y my company practice this title instead..
is actually very simple..
as an agent...
agent is the one tht holds the license to open a company,
for a negotiator..
is a position between buyer and seller...
where we act on behalf our owner to negotiate with the seller...
we r the middle person...

to those who thks tht this line is an easy job...
is totally not as it seems frm the cover...
a lot of hard work hav to be done..
at the same time,
u hav to hav an amount of funds to keep ur business running...

this industry is called a business..
is not an employment..
i dun hav a boss..
i hav no one to answer to...
watever i do, i say...
i answer to myself..
meaning if i do not hav any sales..
it is all my fault...

so stressful...
everything seems hard...
especially when u see ur colleagues getting a lot of calls frm buyers..
doing viewing, making appointment..

but complaint wont help much..
only will help u release stress....

still a long way more to go....
anyone wans to buy or rent property???
haih...

(Diana) <3

Love and Care

a lot of times..
when we hear things tht are very true..

we often choose to ignore it..
and we try to deny it..
dun wan to listen...
as it is the fact...

often if we dun open our mouth to start to communicate..
90% of the time..
we often hav misunderstanding frm each other..
we will be doubting y he/she thks like tht..
y did he/ she say sth like tht??

Why Why Why??

tht is y communication is very important..
if we nvr share, we nvr talked...

who in the world will know wat u r thinking???

coz they are not u...
they can only assume..
worrying..
doubting..
maybe she/he is like tht...
maybe she/he is not in a good mood..

all this assumption and misunderstand will accumulate..
making things worst...
making two individuals more far apart..
a lot of grey area tht could not be explained..

everyday..
i learnt a lot of things..
we actually will nvr stopped learning...
we are always blessed if we r lucky to meet someone..
tht willing to teach us or maybe better phrased is share with us their experience..

from other ppl experience,
we can be more careful..
more cautious...
dun need to bang wall so often..
tht is y..
the phrase goes, we need family while at home, we need frens when we r out from home..

this is very true..
human cant manage to survive alone..
they need love and care to keep them moving..

i am very blessed..
as i hav wonderful frens, family and everything...
i really appreciate it!
thank you guys..
luv u lots

pls do take care~

(Diana) <3

*Appreciate*

now i am appreciating all i hav...
my family, my frens, my work..
my life...

i am counting my blessings..

now i like my job,
i hav the chance to gather with my frens..
gossip and shopping..
had the support frm my parents..
staying at home with my parents...

all this small little things..
is wat i hav got now...
appreciate wat i hav rite now...
appreciate every single moment of it...

is a gud thing to hav all of u...
u know who u are...

Luv Luv Luv..

=)

(Diana) <3

i thought i can do this alone...

thinking too naive...

taking things so simple and easy...

now stress was building up each day..
this stress is wat i am giving myself each day...

each day passes very quickly..
no target, no strategy...
i am so lost..
do not really know wat is ahead of me..
wat could possibly happen??

i cant even predict...
not even estimate...
can only just do as best as i could..

this road is not easy...
flexible as it is...
giving all the time...
i could manage it however i wan..
tht is the only best thing in this path..
wat more else it is tht great?

i hav to constantly remind myself..
i can do this..
i can do this..
i hav to be different..
diff frm others..
tht is y i hav to put a lot more effort than others...
tht is y i choose this...

regret??
not until this extend...

but i know i am very frustrated..
lost of direction..
a lot of times..
when i am driving alone to the office..
i often felt out of air when i reached the traffic light...
like no motivation...
dunno to feel eager or not to be in the office..

coz practically u cant hope much although u r in office..
unless u r prepared with questions...
if not u are all alone..
alone winning this...
is really a very tough thing...
for a person like me..
no experience at all...
no network...
i wonder again...
wat is it tht really drives me into this industry...

am i in the rite track??

i am alr shaky with this thought...

who will und me???
anyone???
haih....

(Diana) <3

Make This Happen!

just came back frm SG,
sending my bro back...

initially,
i was very reluctant to follow them..
as..
somehow,
i know they will discuss bout my career..
i dun wan to feel the pressure..
i dun wan to be confronted..
tht is y,
i am running frm it...
avoiding to go down..
as i dun wan anything to make me hav doubt or in dilemma..

but i am not successful..
ended up in SG...

i was rite,
they did brought up this issue...
telling me...
asking me..
questioning me..
laying out all the factors..
wat am i going to face..
wat do i need to be in this industry..

in this conversation,
i get so frustrated...
i told them to stop condemning me,
i wan their support, not telling me tht there is other option out there..

i admit,
i actually really did nth,
did nth in the sense in finding a job...
even having my resume done..
i was "bz"
bz with my holiday trips..
not doing anything for my career..
i was landed with this job..
through a bit of pushing frm my dad..
as i did not had a plan..
the only plan in my head is "i wan to go down to SG to work"
tht's all...

but no matter how,
no matter wat they say..
i know very clearly wat i am doing!

i am young, i believe i can do this!
although i know it will be very very hard!
but u dun try, u nvr know..
yes, we hav to thk in a wider area...
not secluded into one area..
but for now,
this is wat i have opted for..
i will just go with my instinct, my heart..

although say it so nicely,
but i always still keep haih all the way...
just letting it out..
as the pressure is there..
which is given by myself, not by others..
i often just yell when i am in the car waiting for the green light when on the way to the office..
sometimes doubting myself on the way..
just need a continuous support and brainwashed myself tht i can do this~~

but this is just me..
i do hope my peers, my ji mui men 2J 3W, has a nice career!!
no fan nao is the best...
but is ok to hav one,
as we still had each other for encouragement...
missing u guys a lot~~
we shud meet soon~

nites guys~
luv u all very muchy!!

(Diana) <3

Thinking a lot

been thinking a lot lately...
mostly becoz of the career i am heading to...

although i told myself a lot of time,
i can do this, i can i can i can..
but there is always a small voice..
holding me back...

giving me all sorts of reasons..
telling me tht somehow this might not be the right path i am heading to...

i rmb i post my status in fb recently..
"is there really a future?? hav to try only know..."
yea, a lot of things..
ppl tell u frm A to Z...
but if u dun try...
u will nvr really experienced it..

as the saying goes..
saying is easier than doing...
we can exaggerate talk until the world will grow diamonds..
but in the end..
if we dun put effort, dun do it..
it is back to zero...
nth will be gud for u...

there is always a risk...
every job has risk i shud say...
maybe mine is much more than others..
maybe this is a sign ..
tht i shud be diff...
if u wan to succeed...
u hav to do it differently...
not same as majority of ur peers..

but at least u did try before...

eager to learn more...
but at the same time hav fear...
afraid of gaps...
afraid ppl's point of view...
but...
as in this stage...
this is where we will face this..
"welcome to the reality world"

it is as reality as it is!
although it will be tough in the beginning!
as my motto, believe in urself!
i shall hav to trust my instinct, n hopefully i will get a gud outcome out of it!!

so much of support to myself, but very fast this support wont last long,
i will cont my thinking self again in no time..
but i am a girl....
girl thinks a lot of rubbish...
keep the brain working..
woo~ la~ la~
screw it!!
i will just go for it!!!!!!!!!!!

need support support!!!

(Diana) <3

Daddy's advice

was so uncertain bout my future..

when my dad asked me bout my plan..
i just say anything also go interview..
thn only decide what i wan..

he just gv an example, asking me whether i wan or not..
i will straight away say dun wan..
my dad really took the time..
to share his working experience with me..

after listening to his advice..
i a bit had a picture wat i wan to do..
i myself know tht..
in marketing line..
the best way and fastest way to really earn money is doing sales..
sales sales sales..
this word..
to many of u, is like a sth low cls work...
where u would hav a picture tht we will need to knock on ppl's door..
begging or asking for sales..
u hav to do all sorts of things just to hit ur target..

a lot hav a shallow minded on marketing industry..
i could not deny
i had this picture in my mind too..
although part of it was very true..
where sales is indeed this way..
but it actually depends on how u thk of it..

some say..
"aih, u r girl la, why study marketing??
need to do sales wan wo, *pao tao lou min*
not gud la! this work is only suitable for guys..

yea, this thinking can say..
a lot of my relatives say this to me before when i 1st studied this course...
but i can say rite now, i dun regret it!
as compared to other courses..
i really do luv my course!
n therefore..
no matter wat obstacles is ahead..
wat ever challenges is waiting for me..
i will be prepared to learn, listen, observe and understand!

as i had choose wat i wanted to be..
shake of my fears...
n let my new journey begins...

*phewwww, thx dad! ur advice made the picture crystal clear to me, thx!

(Diana) <3

uncertainties

feel so uneasy this few days..

although my days was occupied by a lot of programs..
but it always drag me back to reality...
especially when time to sleep..
or u just being alone in the room..

i had decided...
but n yet..
not sure whether my decision izit rite??

wat will be ahead?
wat will happen?
no one knows..

but now, i feel reluctant to really leave...
i am scared of the day to come..
feel so uncertain..
although it has to be done..
but still..
it is really hard to let go..
easy to say, but hard to really do it...

haih...
this is really a new stage in life..
a stage which i hav to conquer..
haih...
hate tht it is so true!
not fantasy!
hav to face it!!!!!

*emotional*

(Diana) <3

Now only i know...

those ppl who always ffk...
really must listen to this..

the victim of ffk..
now i really know how it feels like..

yes, if u didnt promise anything..
u ffk , thn nvm..

but if u promise alr...
but u didnt do it,
thn it is definitely ur fault!!!

was so angry..
even put down the phone harshly..
as in the end is cancelling..
when i alr prepared everything..
somemore postponing the time and changing location in between..
just becoz u cant come back in time..
i alr tolerate with tht..

thn in the end, u just call me..
n say tht can change to other time n cancel today's outing..
since u alr promise..
u shud hav do watever u are doing faster..
n get ur butt back asap...
y all the delays??

n i dun get the reason tht u stayed behind so late..
wat is tht??
wat kind of service is tht..
i dun get it..

now the outcome really gud..
u not talking to me..

damn it!!
make my mood freaking turn bad!!
dun mistaken..
is just a girlfriend..
not any boy ...

Damn angry!!

(Diana) <3

Now only i know...

past isn't that important anymore

"There comes a point in your life, when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they will never make it to your future."

recently, saw one of my fren post this on fb..

i find it very very true..
wat matters is now...
although ur past determines who u r now..
but wat really matters is who is with u rite now, rite this moment.

those who never make it to ur present, they are just bypassers..
they are meant to be ur bypassers..
no attachment...
not much of a relationship..

i always thought tht, after foundation..
it is really hard to find real friends..
not to say those whom u can talked..
some even going out together was a pain in the ass...
i am not pin pointing on anyone..
just giving an example though..

but somehow ,
now i realise...
at a point or stage..
u will hav different frens..
i might be ur really gud fren rite now..
as we shared the same hobby, same taste..
same topic, same environment..
but maybe...
after this stage..
we will meet different people..
we might not be tht close anymore..

a lot tried to maintain the friendship..
desperately asking each other to keep in touch..
but this never works..
if only one person is maintaining, n the other was losing touch...

i am going on to the next stage in my life...
a stage i am quite reluctant to step to...
working life...
work work work...
no more freedom, no more fun..
or more accurately is not much freedom and not much fun...

my point is..
we will be graduating soon...
do not forget tht we once are frens..
close or not close..
we once are...
msn we saw each other..
although there is no topic..
we could just say hi..
at least not just waiting somebody to nudge u...

we hav high technology..
but if we do not hav the heart...
no matter how high technology we hav..
they will be always a gap between us...
stay in touch guys...
who ever it is...

haih...

(Diana) <3