Dead or Alive

Been always coming back to blogging...
means sth is wrg...

felt emo this few days..
due to the workload..
constant pressure, constant deadline..
constant stress..
constant pushing..
i was full of stress...

toomuch to juggle..
working during the day is already hard for me..
was thinking to resign ady..

but really??
resign??

i dun wan to thk bout it..
just trying my very best each day..
trying to pls every single damn ppl..
in the office was quite tough for me..

need more guidance which most of the time i do not hav..
but this is just part of working life..
it felt even worse..
when u cant share this with someone..

like hav to constant release in order to hav energy to keep going on...

i need tht..

do i really need to get a hole in a tree as my listener??

just suddenly thought of a show..
he had no frens, he decided to talk to a tree so as to release...
LOL..
thinking of it it feels so stupid..

erghhhh..
buck up buck up~~

01 03 12

(Diana) <3

Just another 'Particular' day

Nvr thought i would need to blog again..

when i start blogging, is days when i felt so hard to content my feelings and thoughts but have to just share it out to release my stress...

Lately, joined a very gud company indeed, i am quite blessed to have this opportunity..
Luving the job, luving the environment and the opportunity as well..
But certain things does not always happen the way u want..
Certain things just not under ur control..

Guess this is just part of working life...
compromising, working with others..
i learnt the hard way..
getting scolded, looking stupid when they just tell u off...
is just part of the industry i guess..
the norm, where everyone hav to go thru to be gud at it...

i am prepared for all this..
but of course i am still human..
being warm blood and all..
still felt pissed, frustrated...
but work is still work..
i can't pull a long face for long, as this job is a long term thing..

Passion is it tht big enough? big enough to even blind urself tht u are actually well paid??

The amount of stress, the amount of workload.. just not enough for meager income..

Urghhh... still felt like i am still in the office..
cant breath..
n worst still, i cant realli trust anyone where someone can listen to me..
felt so miserable..

am so thankful tmr is weekend...
at least i would not need to see their faces just for a bit..
am freaking pissed bout it alr..
realli need to breath from it...

haihs..
felt so lost rite now...

(Diana) <3

Rainy Day~

Its pouring outside~~

the wind blows in through the kitchen into the living hall~
felt so safe to be at home~

Rain rain rain~
is like washes away the dirt~
washes the sins or memories~
giving us peace~

breezy~~
love this feeling~

(Diana) <3

still cant stop thinking~

One year passes very fast~

Been in working life, wat did i actually learnt?

I am not really sure, like wasted time and money~
Knowledge, not a lot has been added..

Now jumping out from the circle of comfort~
only know that it is not that easy...
searching needs a lot of patience and time...
everyday spending time to see and look~

still cant face the pass~
hard to face the rest~
is sth tht bothered me all this while~

felt so uncomfortable~
making ppl feel sth i am not~
did not get them rite~
haih~
running away makes this consequences~

since when i am like tht~
so scared to face it,
acting it is fine, it is ok~
but nvr actually rectified it...
it stays like tht~

who to speak to~
when myself do not know~

time flies day by day~
no objective no plans~
but waiting...
waiting sth to appear~

no longer had the courage to stepped out again~

(Diana) <3

~true picture~

i always thought i am rite..

feeling so happy each time i was honoured with sth..
sth i have which someone wont hav..

are they wrong?
or i am just too naive to just listen and follow?

i always take things too simply..
too simple, did not really go through my head..
as i felt believing and trust a person is more than enough..
details is sth tht we do not need to go through..

but i am wrong..
so wrong tht i did not realise..

they are the one in the bright side..
i am like a bunny...
used by them..
as they are smarter and wiser..
knowing so well the calculation is on their side...

which in the end, i am not getting benifted at all..

is always this case...
always look ppl from the bright side..
this is my nature..
i dun see ppl frm the bad side..
i dun used to...
as i am who i am..

tht is y..
i am getting a punishment..
a wake up call..
to stop dreaming..
and be firm..
be calculative..

i dun do so..
i dun asked for..
nobody will care wat i am getting..
life is as real as it is...
now i get my cousin once said..
"Welcome to the reality world"

as true as it seems..

(Diana) <3

wat is it?

when during U life,
at this time..
a lot of frens will be still bz either on9,
chatting on msn, fb-ing, watching movies or even playing games..

now at this time..
late midnight,
everyone is alr in their dreams..
sleeping all the way...

my this job..
had given me a lot of flexibility...
the only thing better than the rest..
for now..

my coach once told me..
asking me to take some time..
wat also dun think..
just imagine my future...

imagine wat i would wan in my life...
until now...
i did not do so..
as i do not wan to face it...
fear tht the end result..
is sth tht i do not wan it to happen..
alr it is the fact..

a lot of times..
i ask...
ask is it a lot of ppl tht is same as me?

being so undecisive...

hmmmm...
alr out of topic..
not sure how to continue..
i am still the old self..

(Diana) <3

is it the way it shud be?

just read through Jing Yi's blog..
as she had mentioned,
we as bloggers had long abandoned our bloggy
after working life mode is on...

am i really that bz??

the answer is Yes and No...

y Yes?
bz conquering challenges in new working life..

y No?
not being productive in the process of tackling my
obstacles, so most of the time is actually passing time
and actually wasting my own time...

A lot of ppl who know me..
shud know wat is my profession rite now...
to those who do not know..

my current job is Real Estate Negotiator..

to those who do not know my job scope,
simple way to explain is...
i can find you a place to stay, no matter is landed house or condo,
for sale or for rent is my duty...
i can worked for owner, buyer and tenant...

how to work for owner?
- help owner to sell or rent out their properties
how to work for buyer?
- help them to find the suitable house or condo for own stay
how to work for tenant?
- help them to find the suitable house or condo for rental

Being so green and naive...
i went in to this industry without a second thought...
without doubting that i might not be able to handle this...
seeing tht i had back up from my family...

i fail..
fail very badly...
after so many months..
i am still who i am the day i first join this company...
my old self..

so lost of direction..
so not motivated..
this week itself..
i even had the intention to quit and leave...

but can i?
can i just leave as i am so incompetent to do this job?
honestly i do hav a choice..
we always hav a choice in life...
but i rethink wat i had gone through...

flash back again...
did i actually made the effort to really do this??

the answer is a big NO...
i did not..
i really did not..

after all this months...wasting all the time..
wasting all the money...
i am practically waiting sth to happen..
waiting sth to dropped upon me..
and not making sth to happen...

i know my flaws..
my mistakes..
and yet i sat on it..
waiting somehow it will sail smoothly for me...

why the hell did i actually step into this industry
if i had such attitude!!
i would not even survive the slightest..
waiting ppl to spoon feed..
waiting ppl to push only move...
i am so reactive in things..
not sharp..
not even bright alr...

is time to change...
time to wake up and start to realise...

.......

(Diana) <3